11.11.13

One Month: Finding Peace

11.11.13
Today marks one month since I gave birth to my Keilee. One month from when we finally got to see her and hold her. We knew what the outcome was going to be... we were prepared for that moment...  with all the preparation and thinking that I understood why this was happening  you would think that it would have sunk in... I would be stronger. But, nope. Not so much. Today I woke up realizing that this could have been another month closer to my original due date. Then I told myself move on. It is done with.. things are what they are. I packed those thoughts away & moved on. So what is there to do? Bury yourself in housework thats what. That didn't turn out to good. I started out being thankful.... thankful  that I have a house to clean.... thankful that we are able to have clean clothes to put on even though sometimes you have to dig them out of  a pretty big pile... thankful that I have arms and legs that work so that I'm able to clean out the pets cage.... thankful that my little two year old is able to have milk in the morning even though he decided to spill it all over the place rather than drink it. Then I stopped being so thankful and everything went Boom! I lost all peace.  I was angry, sad, frustrated, annoyed. Everything you name it I was feeling it. So what happened next? The hubs  gets ready for work & sees me at my worst. Here I come with grumpy face whiny voice and nag.. nag.. nag... All while he is just being the sweetest hubby a wife could ask for. I sent him off to work probably making his Monday ten thousand times worst! I wanted him to be peaceful.. I wanted him to have a good day... but I made it pretty hard for him. I wanted to slap myself and say snap out of it. I wanted to be at peace with everything... I wanted to be happy. As I was driving home I had a good talk with my inner self. I understand why things happen most of the time. I'm in control of the things I do, think & say. Even though sometimes it feels like I'm looking at myself from the outside wondering who the hell is this crazy lady. I realize the only way I will find peace with myself, life, and things that happen is by truly understanding. Understanding that I am in control of myself and the way I make others feel around me. I understand that things will get better & things are not bad... It is up to me how I want to handle things that come my way. I choose to be peaceful & allow others to feel peace while being around me. And with all my ramblings all I want to say is happy One month baby girl! 


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